The insignificant stranger

There are some people in our lives that we are always drawn back to no matter how hard we try to push them away. There’s some sort of unbreakable bond that is out of our control that forces us to hold on. As humans, we control the relationships we have with people and let people come in out of our life as a result. We try to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good, people that bring out a light in us that we sometimes can’t find the strength to do ourselves.

Forming new relationships is a part of our every day life. We are constantly interacting with complete strangers and sometimes that complete stranger can turn into one of the most important people in your life. It’s kind of interesting to think about. At one point, everyone who is in your life now was once a complete and total insignificant stranger.

So what happens when you fall in love with that complete stranger? Someone seemingly so insignificant turns into someone more important than you ever thought imaginable. It started out with a conversation. Two people who know nothing about each other exchange numbers and it goes from there. It turns into the type of relationship that every text, call, and kiss makes you smile. It makes you hate life for not bringing them into your life sooner.

They make you believe in fate. If you hadn’t gone to that certain house party, if you turned down a different street corner, if you were too busy texting your ex boyfriend to notice anyone else. One small alteration in your actions and this insignificant stranger would stay a stranger for the rest of your life. Do I believe in fate? I’m not really sure. But I do believe certain people come in and out of your life just when you need them to, even if you don’t see it at the time.
However, we live in a world where some relationships just don’t last forever. We all want our fairy tale ending with the guy of our dreams. And that’s why we date people. We date people to feel loved and desired. We date people for the hope that they’ll be in your life forever. So, when something doesn’t work out the way we planned, we search for a concrete reason why this guy wasn’t The One. We call him an asshole. Tell our friends he treats us like shit. You promise yourself you’re going to cut ties completely and move on, even though you know you’re going to miss the hell out of him.

We force ourselves to hate our exes because it helps us develop a reason for why it didn’t work. It gives us a peace of mind when we are trying to pick up the pieces of what was once such a beautiful relationship that we thought would last forever. We try to make them into insignificant strangers even though we know it isn’t possible.
It’s one of the hardest things in the world to admit to yourself that you fell out of love. It’s hard to not blame it on his “asshole” tendencies or lack of “I love you” text messages. It took me a while to admit it to myself. I searched for reasons why my past relationship didn’t work but the more I searched the worse I felt. I didn’t want a simple explanation like “I don’t love him anymore” because there didn’t seem to be a real reason for why I didn’t feel that way anymore. I wanted to hate him, and for a while I let myself believe I did. Hating him took a lot of energy out of me. I had to try to hate him which is even worse than simply hating him.

When people break up it’s often expected to cut ties completely and to treat the time they spent together as if it is a distant memory that should be buried 100 ft underground and never talked about again. Why is that? Why do we always try to turn our exes into insignificant strangers? Why is it so hard just accepting the fact that the flame that was once there is gone and leaving it at that?

It’s one of the hardest things in the world. Admitting defeat. Admitting that this certain person won’t give you the fairy tale ending that you thought they would. Admitting that this stranger isn’t The One. Is that a reason to cut them out completely? It’s important to remember that they came into your life for a reason, and it’s OK to keep them there. It’s OK to not have any romantic feelings for them but still text them frequently. It’s OK to walk on the beach with them and not hold hands. It’s OK to maintain a relationship with them, even if it’s a different dynamic. Because, the truth is, they’ll never be the insignificant stranger they once were.

Break ups happen and the hardest part is the feeling of missing them. But, what exactly do you miss about it? If you miss having them in your life than keep them there. Talking to your ex doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. You can search forever for reasons why it didn’t work or you can just accept it and move forward. You can fall in love with dozens of strangers in your life, but you can also fall out of love with all of them too. Hating someone it’s tiring, so unless you have a really good reason to, don’t.

Falling out of love isn’t a curse, it’s a part of life. Don’t hold onto something that isn’t there anymore because you don’t want to admit defeat. Allow yourself to fall out of love, it’ll do more for yourself than you think.

One thought on “The insignificant stranger

  1. Great post, Beth. I’m going through a breakup now and it feels good to know I’m not crazy for not hating him.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s