Instagram: the app that has turned the most basic of bitches into world-renown photographers. It’s the app that turned Thursdays into #tbt and can even make a hot dog look artsy. We live for the ‘gram. What better way to brag about the awesome things you are doing than putting it on Instagram? Nothing.
I’m guilty of saying, “Wait guys, need to insta this!” and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I rearrange objects to make the picture look more “artsy” and I’d say 10% of my posts are actually candid. Look through your average girl’s Instagram account and I guarantee you’ll find a Dunkin Donut’s iced coffee with the caption “Ugh much needed on this Monday [insert coffee emoji, heart, and happy face].” You’ll also find some fall foliage, dozens of sky pics, and maybe even some #TransformationTuesday pics!
We all would like to think we are gifted photographers, but let’s be real, it wasn’t your photography skills that got you into the double digits of “<3’s” Sorry gals. So, I have decided to go through my own Instagram and pick a handful of pictures and analyze them myself. I’m using myself as an example here, but you’d be lying if you weren’t guilty of everything I’m about to make fun of myself for.
Classic latte and homework pic. Does it get anymore basic than that? I wouldn’t dare touch my coffee before Instagramming it because it’s a must that I get the coffee art in there, and I don’t even like coffee that much. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t spend several minutes adjusting the placement of my coffee, homework, and wallet. It’s all about the placement people. This picture is insinuating that I’m at a coffee shop being a diligent student, but in reality I’m spending 20 minutes perfecting a picture and adding effects that don’t really need to be there.
Food pictures. I’d say pictures of food take up at least 60% of my newsfeed. Do people really care what you are eating for dinner? No. But if it looks tasty, it’s totally Instagram worthy. Honestly, this sushi was a 5/10 at best. And even more honestly, I I’m not the biggest fan of sushi but we’re all sushi lovers on the ‘gram.
The subtweets of Instagram. Classic.
Quotes are also great Instagram-fillers. Don’t have a decent picture to Instagram but you’re dying to post something because you HAVEN’T POSTED ANYTHING IN 5 DAYS (the WORST.) Pinterest is your best friend. Screenshot a quote from Words to Live By and BAM-you’ve got yourself a decent Instagram post.
Candid pictures make for great Instagram posts. Nothing better than a group of BFFs laughing as if they hadn’t planned it. It’ll get you to your double digit goal for sure. Do it for the likes, ladies, do it for the likes.
Plot twist: Before this picture was taking we literally said “Guys, let’s taking a laughing picture!” Can we be more annoying?
I’m just going to stand here and gaze out into this beautiful landscape thinking intently about life and pretend that I have no idea that people are taking pictures behind me. I’m so deep- and I totally can’t wait to Instagram this. ~~Insert corny quote found on Pinterest~~
Super casual picture. Hey guyz look I’m in Africa and pose with lions!! I can’t tell you that I wasn’t super stoked about the amount of likes on this bad boy. This picture is special because it helped me reach the 100 like milestone. I’m still waiting for my trophy in the mail. Big day in the social media life of Beth Cormack.
Did I lie on the ground in a ridiculous position under my Christmas tree in order to take this? Did I rearrange ornaments? Did I take 20+ pictures before choosing this one? No. (I’m lying).
Ahhh, the joys of obnoxiously bragging on Instagram. Putting the sunglasses in the pic wasn’t enough. Needed to get the case in there too so you know that they’re Tory Burch! Try to find a picture on Instagram of Hunter rain boots without the label in it. Impossible. Vineyard Vines shep shirt? If you don’t Instagram it than you don’t own it. This picture has basic written all over it. And I kind of hate myself for it.
see #8. Disclaimer: I only own one Lilly dress that I’ve worn once. That constitutes me buying an overpriced agenda right? ~~*LiVe 4 LiLly*~~
You’re a terrible friend if you don’t make a pic stitch on your best friend’s birthday.
Back in my rookie days. Abusing Instagram one picture at a time.
Selfies are only acceptable on days that begin with the letter “s” (#selfiesaturday #selfiesunday). See how many likes you get to boost your self confidence!!!!!! Make sure you don’t post too many, though, because then people will think you’re too self absorbed. Use the privilege sparingly and make sure you pick the right filter you make yourself look flawless. Work that half smile and tilted head, Beth! You go girl!
If you didn’t Instagram it, did it even happen?
I posted this picture on my mom’s birthday. My mom doesn’t have an Instagram and never saw this post. So who am I really wishing a happy birthday to in this post?? It’s a known rule that you HAVE to let your followers know when it’s your mom’s birthday accompanied by a long paragraph about how great she is. Sending box of chocolates to her office just isn’t good enough anymore. Luv u Judy ❤
Nothing screams “originality” quite like posting the same exact picture as 70% of your followers.
Your Cape vacation literally didn’t happen if you don’t post a picture of the Sagamore bridge.
I’ll leave you guys with an adorable “candid” picture of my co-workers and I gazing out into the sunset. Because everyone stands on the beach like that right??? How cute! (and so totally not planned).
….I think I’m done embarrassing myself for now.
I abuse Instagram; I totally do and I’m not afraid to admit. If any of your pictures look like the ones I just posted than you do too. I don’t even want to think how many minutes in my life I have wasted on picking the perfect filter and pondering why “Kelvin” is even a filter at all. I get a weird, sick satisfaction when my posts get over 20 likes and I have no idea why. We are basic, and we love Instagram. No shame, ladies. Own it.